I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
