I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
