Jerry, you need to find god
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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