she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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