No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
