Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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