So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
porn star boner night. come get it.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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