if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
