HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I love you. Go after that dick
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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