im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
