I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
