Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
