Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
