i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
