i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
