Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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