thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
