I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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