I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
