Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
where are you?
Hypothermia
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
