and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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