i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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