The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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