BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
