I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
