Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
even my farts smell like vagina
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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