i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
