woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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