the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
