he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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