Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
