I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
it glows. i had to have it.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
