Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
