Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
