Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
