I have demons in me.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
