i jhust puked up my retainher.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
