I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
