i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
