Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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