So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
