He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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