I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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