I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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