Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
