If that was your dad, he is hot
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
