the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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