god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
