Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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