is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
