ugly people sure do ruin things
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
