i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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