fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
