Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
