GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
