yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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