Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
