we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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