bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
