I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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