Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
